June 1, 2017
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BJ 'n Cindy

Poetry

It takes a certain woman

 It takes a certain woman

I wanted to dedicate this poem to Nolan Jones. He was my special someone, my
Navy man but as circumstances have it, we are no longer together. There were
many words left unsaid and I would appreciate it greatly if you could post this
story for the women and men who might be feeling the same way as I do.

"You want to do what?!?!" That was the first words out of my mouth the day you
told me you wanted to join the Navy. Maybe I'm being selfish, but if I knew
then what I know now, I probably would have tried to convince you not to join.
Don't get me wrong, I realize now that it was the best opportunity for you. So
much of the world has now been open to you I just wish it didn't have to come
at such a high cost...like our relationship. We both had just graduated from
high school and all I could think about was the fun you and I were going to
have that summer. Then you told me you were leaving and every warm summer day
that passed just meant it was a day closer to you leaving. I could handle the 8
weeks of boot camp. I could even tolerate the 3 months of "A" school but
knowing you would be in Japan for 7 months was my limit. You had barely gotten
back and now you had to leave again, why was this happening to us, I wondered.
As it is for most teenagers, I thought the world revolved around us, and all I
could think about was all the times you would not be here. I did not see all
the wonderful opportunities now open for you, and I am sorry. I cried the day
you left for Japan because of the harsh way I left things. My goodbye was cold.
I tried my hardest to seperate myself from my feelings of sadness and
loneliness. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye. My mom, a veteran "Navy Wife"
told me as I cried, that it takes a certain women to be with someone in the
military and it slowly dawned on me that I wasn't that girl. I tried for the
first 2 months that you were gone to stay in touch but my heart was just not in
it. All I could think about was, that I was young and I didn't want to spend my
life waiting for someone. I'm only young once, I concluded, and I felt that
life was passing me by. In short, I felt older than I really was. This was the
part that he could not understand and this was also the part that I had a hard
time explaining. I still loved Nolan with all my heart and I still wanted to be
with him but I was unhappy with our situation. I ask myself this question to
this day, did I make the right decision? Are we really meant to be together?
How can I love someone so much but not feel the drive to see things through?
Nolan I am so sorry I could not be the girlfriend you wanted me to be but I
still do love you deeply and I wish only the best for you.

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